la fin.

It is my last night in Paris, and I am beside myself. I cannot believe that this has flown by so fast, and a lot of me is heartbroken with the prospect of leaving tomorrow for good. I have bled here, cried here, to an extent, lived and died here. I've laughed and cringed and stressed here, been hopelessly lost and miraculously found here. I leave some of me here, a piece of me that has no other place but the streets of Paris. And one day, hopefully soon I promise, I will return to both you and that part of me here.

Paris is a city that lurks beneath the surface, and it's not until you are forced to leave that you realize its complete and utter hold on you. It is a grip that is white knuckled, unrelenting, much like a mother with her wayward child. Although that grip could deal the worst of blows, it is loving and caring even in its strength. It cradles you, envelopes you in a way that is unforgettable. For me, these streets have loved me through it all, cried with me as I cried, fell with me as I fell, absorbed the blood from my scraped hands as if it were nothing - simply a part of itself already. These store fronts watched me day in and day out, supporting me and egging me on in their familiarity, their unique sense of rightness. These statues watched me avidly, through stern, bronze faces that have gone green over time. And although they have seen thousands of me, millions of me, of students doing the exact same things as me, they remember Gioia. They acknowledge me through those glances of judgement, and nod their heads when I pass, knowing that I can't see it, but also knowing that I can sense it. These squares have housed me in the middle of the day, in the bleakest of nights, when my hopelessness was too much to bear and my elation was too enormous to contain.

This is for you. This is for the city that took me in and won't let all of me leave. I will return, one day, Paris, and I will love you in the same ways in which you loved me, and I will think of you every day of my life. You have changed me, shaped me, made me aware of not only the blood, but the steel that runs through my veins. You have weighed me and measured me and have found me deserving of your secrets, your sentiments, and your love. Always your love. I will miss you endlessly, beyond the realm of comprehension. A part of me is here, both voluntarily and involuntarily.

Je t'aime, toujours.

You are always with me.